Mixed Emotions

OK, so today I am feeling a bit of excitement, frustration, IDK, OMG...Yeah that pretty much explains it. I am feeling good about writing in my blog daily just a dose of Daily Chicness (yes, that is a word...well...now it is...LOL) It's funny I just had this thought "who am I talking to" LOL. It is not like I have even invited anyone (yet) to even view my blog but yet I feel that nevertheless I am connecting with someone, perhaps myself. Anyway, on with the blog.

OK, I have really increased my online life and I am really excited about this. I have sooo many ideas of what I want to do with everything that I am doing right now as far as my Twitter account, Youtube, Facebook, Blogspot, etsy,...what else am I on...think..IDK that is all that is coming to me right now.

On Youtube it seems to be a bit difficult for me to keep up the video making simply because of the time it takes to edit and then half of the videos I make I never even post...why...simply because when I look at myself it seems odd to see myself talk and to hear myself so it hinders me from wanting to upload videos. That actually sounds like I need some deliverance...Lord help me. I am so serious, it is amazing the things you can reveal about yourself if you just take the time to write it (or type it) out. Yes, I now totally understand why I don't really make videos, in the beginning I actually started making videos because I wanted to see what I look like when I talk but now I am not to sure I like the way I look, perhaps if I just did it more I would get over that whole "self-conscious" thing. Lord help me.

Blogging should be easier for me because I love to write and since I don't think "OMG someone is looking at me" I can just look like whatever I want because although theses are my words you can't see me. That helps, but you know what the odd thing is I LOVE LOVE LOVE taking pictures. I like the still images of myself and not the motion...weird.

OK, I feel like this blog is totally becoming all about me, hold up that is what is supposed to be right now, I am talking about my mixed emotions...UUUUGGGHHHH, I go through moments when I feel guilty when I just do anything for myself, this is something I fight by trying to purposefully do things for myself. Ok, back to the topic at hand...My emotions.

So, I am starting to feel like if I can just start step by step getting myself out there, come what may, and just being me I will become much more comfortable with the skin I am in, the being that God has created me to be and just really allow my spirit to soar.

I am ready for this journey but yet here comes the noisome pestilence...what's that you say...well it is that voice I hear when I make a decision to do something. What is it saying now? "I have been here before, always excited about something in the beginning but finding it very difficult to stick with, to continue and even to complete...how long will this "Tassie Fad" last" is this another one of my inconsistent moments..Ok OK, stop, because greater is HE that is within me than he that is within this world, I thank God for the power of the Holy Spirit to give me strength when I am weak, wisdom when I feel foolish, and knowledge when I feel stupid. Internal dialogue complete!

The journey has begun and it is on now, who will win, The Spirit to succeed or the spirit of fear and inconsistency? I will wager to bet on The Spirit to succeed because I believe I am more than a conqueror!

Yes, mixed emotions, we all have them it is apart of life and at this moment my life, I feel the need to express this and once I do... it is released. That is just what I do...I feel, I speak, I release...that's my life...HOW CHIC

T. Small